i cnnt concentrate on today dance practise at all. der's lyk alot of stuff racinq thru my mind n smth* botherinq me. i juz cant get those steps right la. i hope miss zu juz take mi out for the finale part. argh! after dance jiu go toilet spray hair liao. my hair ish lyk damn black. den my hair sibei dry n rough. eek! n guess wat. CHER DIN CHECK LA! means tml muz spray again. fcuk. today lesson was alright. n my pe pp cher pair of shorts ish damn short. ish lyk coverinq onli half of HIS thigh. slack around in sko after sko. jaron was chattinq with chen ninq dey all. saw chen ninq inbox. so sweet of jaron. LOL. den went tu plaza with jas jo n jaron. din eat la. no mood. lols. went hm at around 6? went mall with my mum tu collect my contact lens n pay some bills. n der's a promoton thinqy on facial. its quite cheap la. 38 bucks for 1 session. n include 16 kind of treatment. we decided tu give it a try. yea. my mum n i. saw shane. she greeted my mum. lols. she's with andy. oso saw ah teck n ah siao. LOL. went hm after tt. not reali in a good mood. tml got pe! die!

the morninq was lyk so damn cold? i keep sneezinq on da way tu sko la. its either ppl scoldin mi or i'm cold. n ya. i din noe sherilyn hated jo so much la. juz bcuz jo din go for dance practise ytd.. sherilyn told miss zu alot of bad stuff abt jo. she told miss zu tt got 1 tym she saw jo in dance shirt at cp but she did not go for practise tt day. n say she pon alot of tyms. n since sko started jo flirt n lyk tu scream around. i was lyk..wtf? sherilyn was so good tu her at dee outside la. cher even call up jo mum. okok. get bak tu my lesson. literature ish oways damn sian tt i fall asleep almost every lesson. history after tt. okok la. cher tok tok tok den i orh orh orh. i was damn cold la. den suddenly veri hungry. luckily after history ish recess xD den ish english. miss joseph de lesson again. not reali sian. den ish sci. no nid say i throw all my hmwk tu yan wei :] den ish pw. do our own stuff lor. fianlly chinese. a compo test. den dismiss le!! slack around amphi theater. emily come find us. den chat chat chat n chat. den bout 3plus go canteen eat. den chat n chat n chat again til 4 plus i jiu go hm le. i tot my father at hm tts y go hm so early. cuz he no work today. den when reach hm he not der la. he went out la. FCUK. i shd hav stay longer. tml ish wednesday! means cher gonna check my hair! i dunno how lonq i wil b sprayinq my hair tu sko. cuz i dun intend tu dye bak my hair. =x off i go . tatas~

yoo wont noe how much it hurts tu b missing yoo.
i feel so numb inside. i'm goin crazee soon.

the weather was lyk gettin colder each day? i was freezin la. i din wear my jacket tu sko. cuz not nice. LOL. chinese was fine today. finally. literature - startin on our grp thinqy la. den it was art. did some drawinq n paintinq. cher say cnnt leave until da face of da drawinq ish painted. so it take up alot of my recess tym til i left with onli bout 10mins la. after recess ish maths. follow by DnT. n we got a test la. i completely forgotton. yea. dead. when cher was givin out the papers. i was shoutinq tu him tt : cher! juz fail me! i dun wan do! he juz ignore mi la. i tel him bout 3 or 4 tyms? n ya. i din noe my class so cool la. we were lyk passinq answers around la. we even shout da answers across! LOL. n wei xianq started tu 'play' some music. by hittinq da table n tappinq his leq. n some of us started tu clap our hands tuu la. n was lyk in the middle of da test? cher ask us tu stop makinq noise but we told him we are makinq music. LOL. after tt was info skill. onli rite few sentences la. den assembly. hse meetinq. i din take part in any events la. sian. jas n jaron went pizza hut tu eat. jo n me went for modern dance, but onli take measurement for syf de costume. went cp tu find jas after tt. emily was with us tuu. so sad jaron went hm le. lols. eat at kfc. n jas jo emily n me was lyk gossipinq lyk bitches la. i noe u guys wil say glad i noe tt la. but i think gals seriously r good at gossiping la. others den tt gals chat bout shoppinq n boyfrens. lols. went hm at bout 6 plus? its bout 7.30 n da sky ish stil not dark? da colour was baby blue la. i mean da sky colour. its nice la. ok..it tym tu go le. tatas~

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! i so damn sian can. nth nice on tv tu watch. he stil not online. cnnt go out. jin hua goin cp with frens. no one tu chat tu. nth tu eat at hm. gosh! wat is this???? my sis ish lyk goin outside tu play with her frens EVERYDAY. she's onli p5 la. wth. oways got nth tu do when i online. onli post n go fwenster c c. tml sko again. this is killinq me!!! pui pui pui pui pui pui pui pui pui pui pui pui !!!!!

my eyes r goin tu b spoilt soon. i hav been wearinq for 15 hrs these few days. n the fact ish tt onli can wear for 10 hrs. went tu visit carina at KK ytd. went tu eat 1st la. cuz her other frens was der. chat wib her frm bout 8plus tu 11. we r tellinq each other ghost stories la. we waited da cab for so lonq la. den on da way i found out tt i lost my wallet. wtf. i'm da 2nd tu drop off as i'm feelinq veri sick n may puke at any tym. n da taxi driver pass jas hse. lols. reach hm at 12. n got dance practise the nxt day. great. i woke up late today la. i'm suppose tu reach sko at 7.30 n i woke up at 7.15. die. rush tu sko la. saw emily at da traffic :) walk tu sko tgt. i'm in love with mr ben again!! LOL. after dance went hm prepare for later de outinq. jasmine was damn chio today!! n emily ish tagging alonq tuu :) meet jaron at cine de lonq john. bryan was lyk emo-inq? went tu arcade play awhile den go buy ticket for ghost tunnel. slack around lor. emily was lyk so damn cute can. i love emily!! n n n . ghost tunnel quite nice. quite scary at some parts. luckily jaron was bside me..LOL . after movie jiu go hm le. in da mrt got some police men starinq at us? cuz our music on veh loud. n he ish lyk takinq out a note pad which i thought dey r gonna scan us? LOL reach hm at 10 plus la. jin hua was stil at my hse? lols. ate dinner. n now chattiq wib emily. we got so much tu share.


i seriously hate my life now.
i'm oways gettin emo bcuz of yoo.
i can even cry.
i'm gettin so sick of it.
i dunno y i cant let yoo go.
dammit.

i woke up late today n i'm stil da 1st tu reach sko. i dunno i'm sittinq in da rain until gordon told me -.- this morninq quite cold la. i din even sweat when i run 3 rounds around da sko. i started sweatinq on da 4th round. lols. our class da charbo all sho paisae. dun dare tu do forward roll. except emma n me. haha. i'm da 1st tu do it! i'm hungry but dun feel lyk eatinq durinq recess tym. durinq maths lesson i had yawn for 6 tyms la. nth went inside my brain at all. i dun even noe a single shit. practical for sci today. sian oso. lunch after sko. went compass. sat at BK again. ate HERSHEY pie again. LOL. i wanted tu do my maths hmwk. but i dun even noe da 1st step. so 4get it. der was this 3 guys sat 1 table away frm us. n dey r lyk competinq whoose hp sonq was louder? jas jo n me was lyk. cheyy..so small nia. den we blast jas hp de sonq. LOL. dey were playinq ' show me the money ' den we use jo de speaker play tt sonq. damn loud. after awhile dey left BK. dunno their own limit wan cum challenge us. menq zai si ! went hm after tt. reali damn sian. n i dream bout jaron ytd nite. lols. i have been feelinq down lately. i dunno y. i get angry easily n emo once i start listeninq tu sonqs tt brought bak memories. i almost cried at BK juz now. lols. silly me. now ish not bout my family problems. ish bout........haix. dun wish tu say anithinq bout tt. juz gonna end here. bye.

i dunno how tu express my feelinqs inside.
i feel so numb inside. i feel so cold inside.
i juz keep holdinq on. its hard tu let go.
i feel lyk cryinq out loud on my frens shoulder.
der wil oways b smth inside mi tt i cant stop thinkinq.
i dunno how tu get rid of it. someone plz help me.
i feel lyk i'm wastinq my tym on smth tt i noe its impossible.
i'm tryinq my veri hard tu give up.
i wanna love you no more.

i woke up early especially 4 JARON. went tu sko wib him. get down da lrt on da nxt station. dumb. i noe. n he make me wait for 5 min. so good of him. roy juz keep smsinq me la. my new gan di. i jzu told him tt i goin tu sko wib jaron. n he think tt i lyk him -.- i say i goin out with bryan. he think i lyk him. wtf? his thinkinq sorta childish la. lols. n ytd got some daiji wib his pri sko fren. ask me help -.- reach sko n roy was not der. he went tu run around da sko. n tt sec 1 guy tt i said was jun hui sec 1 version was der tuu. he ish RITZIO. LOL. tts da guy emily had a crush on. n i oso said he quite yan dao. more good lookinq den jun hui. LOL. he ish my gan di now. hehe. emily, good taste. had 2 gan di n 2 gan mei frm sec 1. dey r CUTE! dance practise was hard today. mr ben get abit agitated when we r not progressinq fast enuff. sob. after practise went tu find carina. it was lyk 1 min b4 assembly n she went tu da opposite blk tu borrow cdp file frm bryan. her body felt so cold la. da weather was damn hot la. i was lyk prayinq..plz dun faint plz dun faint. lols. juz b4 da pledge she lyk buey tahan liddat den i cal out tu miss joseph. cher help her intu da class n rest. all da lesson today was seriously damn borinq. except 4 cdp. haha. n i was damn pissed by my chinese teacher la. EVERY lesson without wil ask mi tu listen durinq lesson. i was lookinq out of da window for tt few sec n she ask mi tu look at white board. thish ish fine. wat make mi pissed is tt. she ask us tu take down those notes on da board. yes i did. n suddenly ask mi look up n pay attention. wtf is tt? den i gave her a buey sonq look. she stare at mi i stare at her. she continue with her lesson. chen ninq n carina was lyinq on da table la. oso nv get scolded. PCB! i did nth ronq la. i hand up every hmwk in tym la. i dun tok in her class la. wtf is her prob? after sko went tu sci lab tu do pw de experiment. onli took us bout 10mins? den we start takinq fotos here n der. LOL. wil upload foto if carina send those pic tu comp. n tt sec 1 guy , jeremy. quarrel wib jaron n jas. cuz juz now recess tym jeremy dao jas. den act til veh benq. jaron say wan beat him up. he gave him a veri veri sarcastic reply : wahh..i veri scare sia. jaron buey tahan go push him. i was der crappinq la. LOL. went tu plaza after tt wib jaron jas n jo. saw desmond n his frens. din reali care la. but jo went tu chat wib him which i dun reali lyk la. ayu , nabila, rashidah n farida was sittinq opposite of mi. dey keep askinq whether jaron my guy ar. ass -.- dey go ask jaron. n guess wat jaron replied. yes. n dey believed la! PUI ! stupid jaron. i wil rmb de. went hm around 6.30. my father ish oreadi hm. dead. lols.

i feel so fake inside.
i feel lyk we were lyk cartoon characters.
juz a sudden feelinq.
mayb its reali tym tu gib up.
but i juz cant let go. how?

FCUK FCUK FCUK FCUK FCUK FCUK! MISS JOSEPH CATCH MY HAIR COLOUR TODAY! ARGH! N EVEN CALL UP MY MUM!!!
mr michael la. ytd ask whether i got dye hair den today tel my form teacher. i juz reborn my hair onli la. she gimme mi til nxt wed tu dye bak my hair. idiot!!!
i almost fall asleep for every lesson today. dunno y so tired lehh. if not i wil b daydreaminqq in class. n my chinese teacher was lyk keep sayinqq, PLZ LOOK AT DA WHITEBOARD N STOP DAYDREAMING! wtf. every lesson was borinq today la.onli pw was alright. today was glen BIRDDAE! LOL. his 3 ex-s , carina, chenq ninq n me..gave him BREAD as prezzie. was actually for da pw de. but we din use it today. n chen ninq gave us da idea tu give glen as prezzie. its da thoughts tt count after all. LOL. we wrap it up with black contruction paper. haha. n wrote some words on it. TADA! done! x) pass it tu him after sko. n he was lyk sayinq thanks n so happy? he open it once i walk away la. he even sms n say thanks 4 da bread. i was lyk..L-O-L? lols. went compass after tt. n ya.. same. slack at BK. i was doin my chinese hmwk. so diff la. den saw emily. she ish lyk..so fab! damn pretty. she n her fren join us in BK after dey buy food frm kfc. -.- we got so much tu tok abt la. haha. after she went hm we sms each other for quite lonq. her fren n her fren guy was at emily hse. lols. went hm at 6.30. dance tml! tt means i wil get tu c MR BEN!!!

i tie my hair tu sko today. but got let it down durinq some periods. i'm startinq tu hate literature now. so borinq. art. worse. onli 2 person in our class brought art paper. LOL. cher was angry la. den recess. sian. DnT. sian dao lao sai. maths was alright. assembly was alright oso la. din fall asleep. haha. modern dance practise after tt. gigi brought her boyfren alonq tuu. its their 1year aniversary. we went tu LT after finishinq our warm up. but onli those who ish in ben grp. miss zu came up tuu. she ish disappointed with our grp. my dance totally sucks. she almost cried. cuz we r lyk behind tym or smth? i nid tu buck up. reali. miss zu ask us tu go hm after seeinq us dance for 2 tyms. she said tt dun wan tu waste our tym. i'm so upset la. went tu c jo's grp. dey r good. poor emily injured her toe. it bleed alittle. went hm after tt. damn hungry. ate aot at hm. all my fav dishes =) juz had a nice chat with emily. i feel lyk i got so much tu share with her. haha. hmm..nth else. tatas~

he stil did not online..

juz reborn my hair. actually wan do treatment onli. but den dey say onli last for 1 week. wtf. its my 2nd tym doin reborninq. but my 1st tym result was better. n it cost mi 160 bucks. now i do de ish 110..but got discount. jo mum told me not tu tel any ppl da actual price. if not ppl wil b goin der tu do at tt price. LOL. jas bcum more chio n chio le! she look so fab after da reborninq la. on da way der we was lyk listeninq tu sonqs tt brinq us bak memories. :) how tym had pass so fast. we were all in sec 2 now. diff classes. but we learn better without each other. cuz wat we do in class last year was play n play. end up lyk tis. haix. i'm gonna work hard 4 both my dance n studies. n wil go bak tu work once syf ish over. yea. i'm goona get on with life. so dun worry. haha. sko so fun n my dance mates so nice. it wil b a pity if i leave dem. n ya. 4get bout da previous post in blue. i mean those sentences in blue.

he stil did not online..
n i stil miss him.
but its not necessary for him tu b by my side.
i wan him tu hav happiness.
i cant b selfish.
i dont nid his love.
i can survive without him.
n..n..n
SINGLEHOOD RAWKS!

modern dance wad tired today. my dance seriously sucks. i reali nid tu buck up. haix. dismissed at 12. meetinq jasmine dey all at 1. but i make it at 2. lols. i got 4 bryan in my contact list la. i wanna cal bryan lau. but i ended call bryan nq -.-
meet melisa in da lrt. saw miss lalita at da platform. she said we look veh diff outside n in sko uni. lols. chat chat awhile den she went off le. den mel saw jane. i say emily. she chat wib jane n i chat wib emily while waitinq 4 jas jojo n bryan. n emily oso said tt i look veh diff in sko n outside -.- she went off when da train arrive. jas stil not here -.- we waited bout 15mins? nvm. she ish oways da latest. n sher say she wil b meetinq us at orchard wib her mum. wtf. nvm. i dun wanna say bout thish. bryan veh ke lian la. keep kana bully by me. or can say kana hit by me. n ish lyk almost every single min la. n he even treated mi hershey pie frm BK. make mi feel so guilty. he keep sayin : y gals nowadays cnnt learn tu b more gentle. i noe i veh rough la. but juz now abit bad mood la. den he keep sayinq ronq stuff. tuu bad 4 him lor. n poor him. waited us so lonq when we were in da toilet. we r so intu make-up today la. LOLs. saw pei ronq in da arcade. she wib her stead n frens. ja n jojo bought a jacket. ish nice la. dey had a hard tym choosinq la. keep ask thish n tt. if i da saleman i surely slap her liao. =x LOLs. we juz kept walkinq ard n slackinq at food court, BK. my leq hurts lyk hel la. i were tt pumps again. 2nd tym wearinq nia. but its better den da 2st tym. not reali tt pain. but ish stil pain la! luckily i got brinq plaster. bout 9 plus jiu go take mrt liao. saw emily n her frens again. dey were sittinq ard near mrt station. dey r lyk so funni la. chat chat chat n chat lor. bout 10plus reach hm le. had a hard tym removinq my make-up. -.- especially da eye liner. tml goin 4 treatment. n ish lyk meetinq at 12 la. damn early la. haix. now dun feel lyk doin liao sia. every day go sko stil nid tu tie hair. sian.

he stil did not online. or he online juz now? lols.
[[ i miss yoo alot can? ]]
[[ i wan tu tok tu yoo can? ]]
[[ i wan tu c yoo can? ]]
[[ i wan ya love 4 me again can? ]]
[[ i wan ya care can? ]]
[[ i wan tu get bak tu last tym can?]]
[[ i wan every thinq frm yoo can? ]]
are we so impossible tu get tgt again?

DnT sucks! i now seriously hate DnT. stupid teacher.. go complain we nv brinq file. pui ! was damn hungry la. ytd frm Bk until recess nv eat at all. den recess tym stomach pain. but after eatinq jiu ok le. after recess was chinese. cher was standinq outside our class waitinq 4 our class tu get ready la. den jaron walk tu da window der. 1metre away frm da cher. den call carina. damn funni ! their conver was :
cher : got any thinq u wan ask?
jaron:i tok tu my fren cnnt ar?
cher : cant yoo c there ish teacher here?
jaron: u haven go in watt.
cher : how can yoo tok tu a teacher liddat?
jaron : YAO NI GUAN (walk away)
cher : go after him askinq him tu stop walkinq.
jaron: (turn bak n diao her..walk bak tu class)
da conver was in chinese..my cher damn hot la. den ask our class wat's his name. every body diam diam. den after awhile collin, our chair man go tel cher his name. cher gave us bak our compo.den she oso corrected some of us. den she say got a gal in our class include da words : i dun give a damn. in da compo. i was lyk..LOL? den yan wei , wei xianq , hengry . chen ninq , rachel all turn n look at me. i juz say : not i write de! reali not me ! y r all of dem suspectinq me? lols. den was sci. lynette ran tu our class n say tt carina fainted again! GOSH! den cher go n c her. askinq crystal alonq. but i went tu. dey were lyk walkinq so slowly. i rush tu der la. carina was goin ard passinq da year bk tu last year 1e3 de pupils. den jiu liddat le lor. she did not faint. she was damn cold. chermain was hugging her. she was lyk shakinq la. mei yi jaron n a cher was der tuu. we were helpinq her tu da sick bay but she dun wan go. she has no energy at all la. her body warm warm. but she say veh cold. den nicholas dey all go take da stretcher. we 3 try carryinq her up but she was juz tuu weak tu stand. she juz keep droppinq tu da floor da moment she try tu stand. den finally she slowly ly on da stretcher n nicholas dey all carry her tu sick bay. went tu class. i could not concentrate at all la. i was so damn worried bout her. seriously i think she need dominic tu b beside her la. where da hell was him man. i juz stare outside da window til its end of lesson. went tu find jas dey all. mel n pl got band. sherlyn went hm. we went cp. slack n ate in Bk again. bryan, xiaodou n 2 other gals came tuu when jas n mi return frm da toilet. da girls left after 10mins? bryan pei us lor. he veri ke lian. keep kana bully by me =x bout 5plus alca, marcus, vicent, firdaus n another guy walk in of BK. dey keep askinq sweet frm jas la. alca or vincent treated jas mac flurry. den awhile more tian chenq n yinq hock came. dey juz keep askinq sweets frm jas la. haha. bout 6 liddat i jiu go hm le. guai rite. its raininq la. nvm. der's dance practise tml! n i'm gonna c mr ben! yeah! LOL. but after tt goin out wib jas. make up 4 her BIRday.

its da same. he stil did not online.
i miss him terribly.
wats da point of workinq so hard tu pay bills?
i juz miss yoo more each day..
its not easy beinq me. izit so hard tu let me c yoo once in my life tym?
i cant go on any more...part of me ish dyinq.

it's da same. i'm stil da 1st tu reach sko amonq sistarrhood. 1st period - PE pp. oni listen for 10 mins n fall asleep. reali veh tired. sci - normal. pw - normal. recess - ate da same thinqs lor. den when walkinq bak tu class, tian chenq tel mi juz now winson, alca, jaron beat up a sec 1 guy. dun quite noe la. oso dun wanna noe lor. chinese after recess. SIAN. maths - normal. engRish - compo. history - quiz again. ate lunch in sko n DO MY hmwk. lols. bout 4.30 went cp. bought jasmine a blusher 4 her BIRDday prezzie. she wanted a blusher lonq ago. haha. jas n jo ate at BK. i do my maths hmwk which onli nid tu hand in on monday. i noe i damn guai. dun nid praise me. LOL. we were gossipinq at BK la. kept laughinq at some stuffs. bout 6plus went valus shop tu help my maid buy chocolates. so good of me. den walk walk awhile jiu go hm le. reach hm at 7.30pm. bathed. i'm hungry now la. lols.


ps: yea. sherlynn, din noe u bak stabbed me so much.
u r not doin wat u askinq sisterrhood tu do.
to tel each other wat u dun lyk bout dem n ask dem tu change.
i din noe tt u wan tu CHAO GAN me n wanna SLAP me.
fine. go ahead. i dun mind. u din tel mi i attitude yoo.
yoo told jas dey all. so i take it as U bak stabb me. :)
i find yoo funni. when u hav probs with jas dey all,
u cum n find me. i help yoo. when u were on good terms
wib dem u cum n bak stabb me. wtf? i dun understand yoo.
u oways lyk tu hate ppl WEEKLY. i wan u tu gib mi a good explaination.

HAPPY BIRDDAY TU JASMINE YAP HUI YI!!! she ish 14 now. gosh. how lonq den it wil b my turn? lols. but i feel sorry 4 her. she did not reali enjoy today. or even. she dun enjoy it at all. =x cuz after sko we juz slack ard canteen nia. lols.n another thinq. I'M IN 4 SYF!! I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! yeepiiiiiiiiiii!!! paisae paisae. tuu excited le. after dance practise went canteen. but dun feel lyk eatinq. 1st period - literature. slept in class. 3rd period - maths. do my own stuff. recess - ate mince meat noodle. n tt stupid glen did smth tt make mi punch him lyk hell. he DESERVE it ! after recess. engmo lesson. did a test. quite hard la. den history. quiz! every body get a chance tu ans. luckily yan wei tel mi da ans. if not honq gan liao. lols. last period - info skill. juz any how rite few sentence. end. went tu find jasmine dey all lor. den we sinq a veh stupid birdday sonq 4 her. hehe. went hm at 5.30++ saw mr famy. chat wib him all da way tu bus stop. he left smth on his desk. den he walk bak tu sko n take. poor thinq. n now..bak hm. yep.

and ya.. i'm in LOVE with mr ben - my dance instructor. LOL

nv go sko ytd. cuz sick. lols. ish onli sore throat la. but i oso woke up on 6am. -.- went tu c doc wib my mummie. went tu eat breakfast 1st. n guess wat. she ask me tu pay myself. FINE. den she pei mi wait till 12cock jiu go le. we frm 11 liddat jiu wait wait wait liao lor. den she gonna late 4 work le. so went off 1st. sadded. den finally 12.30 my turn liao. sickeninq doctor. dun wan gib me 2day MC. pui pui pui. went hm after tt. change n went bak tu sko 4 modern dance practise. startinq on syf de dance liao. we r doin modern jazz. abit ballet ballet la. cher pick 31 out of 40 ppl? den wednesday cher wil onli choose 25 peeps. sadded. hope tt my leqs n arms wil listen tu me. lols. pray hard tt wil get thru da 'audition' tml. i reali wan tu perform 4 syf. haha. today woke up late. suppose tu b 6am but woke up at 6.15am. lols. but i'm still da 1st one tu reach sko. sian. damn cold in da morninq la. cold til my stomach pain. today every lesson was alright la. but i had a good tym durinq CDP period. miss joseph ish cool! she ROCK! she so joker la. after sko at sko eat lor. den chat chat chat n chat til bout 4? jiu faster rush hm. if not rain again. lols.

alright..woke up at 11.30. is not yet 30min n get scoldinq frm my mum? it started lyk thish..my mother were tokinq tu my maid bout money stuff..den suddenly say bout internet de bills. i noe she paid 30bucks 4 mi. but it wil not kill rite? den she ask mi whether got small change gib my maid. i juz raise my voice n say i no money le. den she shout bak mi la. she say where all my money go. i juz say i left 100bucks i dun wan spend de. den she say can tok nicely tu her y muz shout. i juz got abit hot headed nia so raise my voice. n she got all the ronq idea. i admit i tot she gonna take my money. but she no nid say till liddat de rite. den i diam diam la. she start tu say bout she can oso not pay the bills 4 da internet i oso lan lan n my hp bills. but how bout my weekly allowance? did she gib mi even 1 cent? does she noe tt i dun hav money 4 sko? does she noe tt i nid tu rent locker n pay clas fund n stuff? i noe it's juz small amount but does she care tu ask bout my sko stuff? i noe i did go tu work. i have money. but tt doesnt mean tt she can not gib mi money. n i onli go tu work bout 1 month nia. think i alot money liao la? i diam diam. i dun wan say. i noe she go tu work veri tired n onli got few hrs tu slp. i noe she did all these thinqs 4 da family. n yes. i'm rude tu her. i noe. its my fault tu raise my voice at her. but she does not nid tu say til so cruel. say i'm unfillial n tt i dun even bother tu gib her few bucks tu let her spend. but i nid tu pay off da internet bills. how most ppl spend their 1st pay? which family children pay bills for hm? onli mi. i noe its her hu raise mi til thish biq. i noe i gave her alot of troubles all thish years. but i think ish normal 4 parents tu gib their childrens money tu go tu sko n stuff. she oso say tt y i nv think of when i go out hu gib mi money. go sko hu gib mi money. i noe its my mother. but she cnnt expect mi tu pay her bak rite now yea? i'm stil 13. n i find it normal tt she gave mi money tu go out. which parents dun gib their children money tu spend? i diam diam i dun wan say. i juz cant hold bak my tears when she said i nv spare a tot 4 her. she doesnt understand mi at all. she dunno wat problems i havin in sko. she din even bother tu ask. she does not even noe i hav no money tu spend in sko. she said i hurt her deeply. n she started tu shed tears tuu. wat can i do? she fuckinq hurt my feelinqs tuu. i'm lyk cryinq rite now? so i'm such a pain tu her? so i might as well end my life rite now? i'm lyk goin thru stuff tt normal 13 gals dun go thru. i hav been stayinq so stronq all these years. i have act so brave infront 4 all these years. i'm so not lookinq 4ward tu 14. i'm veh veh afraid tt it wil b more miserable den 13. i'm reali veh afraid. i juz cant go on any more. i wil fall 1 day. when does these stuff happen tu mi when i'm begaininq tu love sko. begaininq tu study hard. i'm thinkinq of goin bak tu work. but it wil not help at all. n da onli way tu end my mother sufferinq ish tu end my life. i'm so gonna do it. b4 i turn 14. she wil not nid tu spend money on mi any more. n she wont nid tu prepare funeral 4 mi. she can juz dump my body at rubbish center n her sufferinq is gone. n her burden had lessen alot. n sisterhood wont hav mi any more. meaninq no more troubles. y i keep havinq crazee behavior ish bcuz i juz wanna have fun n 4got all my troubles at hm. the tears i shed , da fake smile tt i oways carry wherever i go. no one would understand. i might juz jump of da buildinq on my 14th birthday. n i reali mean it. ppl might say i'm crazee. but take a look ard. no gals my age carry so much burden. i juz cant go on any more. i'm not tt stronq after all. frm today onwards i wil juz beat up the person hu dares tu bully me. includinq teachers. n i stil hav 51 more days b4 my birthday. i wil so gonna cherish these days. i wil enjoy myself as much as possible. i wil b lookinq 4ward tu every dance traininq even though i might not hav da chance tu perform 4 syf..bye.

yeah, finally got my internet bak. 2nd week of sko le. 1st n 2nd day damn sian. ppl ard mi all dunno de. now okok liao. at 1st stil thinkinq of quittinq sko =x but as tym goes by i find sko can b quite fun. but wat make mi sick ish borinq lessons, bad teacher. so far stil no hmwk. cuz ish nv do -.- lols. quited my job at bliss le. get da pay n pay my internet bills. lols. i din regret. although no money go shoppinq liao. haha. today was suppose tu reach sko at 8am tu c those sec 1 audition 4 modern dance, but veh tired so din go. meet jas, mel n puay linq at plaza. ate mac. jojo came tu mit us. walk tu sko. melissa tan n joanna outside class settle dai ji. lols. din care much. went tu parade sq tu asemble. da sun ish high up. n ish lyk so hot la. worse thinq ish. MY HAIR! my fren say my hair damn red n sibei obvous. wtf, luckily i use bk tu cover. henq henq cher not here yet. kia si lanq. durinq recess tym go find jas dey all lor. chat wib jaron lor. cb, wan act horny infront of mi. den saw da sec 1 gal she wan jio de. not reali tt chio la. but look quite sweet. jaron quarrel wib a sec 1 guy? lols. c him shout at da guy veh fierce sia. chua tio. den walk bak tu class. 4 period of miss joseph lesson. SIAN. but it turn out not bad la. tym passes fast. den info skill. last lesson jiu can go hm liao. haha. after info skill le den go walk ard sec 1 de classes wib carina. saw jaron again. chat awhile lor. den ah pa dunno ask him go where. think he tio daiji again la. lols. ate at kfc wib mel, jo, jas n sher. saw ah pa dey all oso. at der slack slack jiu go hm le. tml history test. how? nv brinq ani bk hm. die die liao.

my new blog..may be deletinqq da old one. smiles (: