alright..woke up at 11.30. is not yet 30min n get scoldinq frm my mum? it started lyk thish..my mother were tokinq tu my maid bout money stuff..den suddenly say bout internet de bills. i noe she paid 30bucks 4 mi. but it wil not kill rite? den she ask mi whether got small change gib my maid. i juz raise my voice n say i no money le. den she shout bak mi la. she say where all my money go. i juz say i left 100bucks i dun wan spend de. den she say can tok nicely tu her y muz shout. i juz got abit hot headed nia so raise my voice. n she got all the ronq idea. i admit i tot she gonna take my money. but she no nid say till liddat de rite. den i diam diam la. she start tu say bout she can oso not pay the bills 4 da internet i oso lan lan n my hp bills. but how bout my weekly allowance? did she gib mi even 1 cent? does she noe tt i dun hav money 4 sko? does she noe tt i nid tu rent locker n pay clas fund n stuff? i noe it's juz small amount but does she care tu ask bout my sko stuff? i noe i did go tu work. i have money. but tt doesnt mean tt she can not gib mi money. n i onli go tu work bout 1 month nia. think i alot money liao la? i diam diam. i dun wan say. i noe she go tu work veri tired n onli got few hrs tu slp. i noe she did all these thinqs 4 da family. n yes. i'm rude tu her. i noe. its my fault tu raise my voice at her. but she does not nid tu say til so cruel. say i'm unfillial n tt i dun even bother tu gib her few bucks tu let her spend. but i nid tu pay off da internet bills. how most ppl spend their 1st pay? which family children pay bills for hm? onli mi. i noe its her hu raise mi til thish biq. i noe i gave her alot of troubles all thish years. but i think ish normal 4 parents tu gib their childrens money tu go tu sko n stuff. she oso say tt y i nv think of when i go out hu gib mi money. go sko hu gib mi money. i noe its my mother. but she cnnt expect mi tu pay her bak rite now yea? i'm stil 13. n i find it normal tt she gave mi money tu go out. which parents dun gib their children money tu spend? i diam diam i dun wan say. i juz cant hold bak my tears when she said i nv spare a tot 4 her. she doesnt understand mi at all. she dunno wat problems i havin in sko. she din even bother tu ask. she does not even noe i hav no money tu spend in sko. she said i hurt her deeply. n she started tu shed tears tuu. wat can i do? she fuckinq hurt my feelinqs tuu. i'm lyk cryinq rite now? so i'm such a pain tu her? so i might as well end my life rite now? i'm lyk goin thru stuff tt normal 13 gals dun go thru. i hav been stayinq so stronq all these years. i have act so brave infront 4 all these years. i'm so not lookinq 4ward tu 14. i'm veh veh afraid tt it wil b more miserable den 13. i'm reali veh afraid. i juz cant go on any more. i wil fall 1 day. when does these stuff happen tu mi when i'm begaininq tu love sko. begaininq tu study hard. i'm thinkinq of goin bak tu work. but it wil not help at all. n da onli way tu end my mother sufferinq ish tu end my life. i'm so gonna do it. b4 i turn 14. she wil not nid tu spend money on mi any more. n she wont nid tu prepare funeral 4 mi. she can juz dump my body at rubbish center n her sufferinq is gone. n her burden had lessen alot. n sisterhood wont hav mi any more. meaninq no more troubles. y i keep havinq crazee behavior ish bcuz i juz wanna have fun n 4got all my troubles at hm. the tears i shed , da fake smile tt i oways carry wherever i go. no one would understand. i might juz jump of da buildinq on my 14th birthday. n i reali mean it. ppl might say i'm crazee. but take a look ard. no gals my age carry so much burden. i juz cant go on any more. i'm not tt stronq after all. frm today onwards i wil juz beat up the person hu dares tu bully me. includinq teachers. n i stil hav 51 more days b4 my birthday. i wil so gonna cherish these days. i wil enjoy myself as much as possible. i wil b lookinq 4ward tu every dance traininq even though i might not hav da chance tu perform 4 syf..bye.